Cry
by Chelsea-xo
Summary: Sam has a younger sister, Eden, who is suffering from depression/self-harm etc. Sam is always so busy with her work&other family problems to realise that her little sister is slowly breaking into tiny pieces, that through Eden's eyes, can never be put back together again... Thought I'd change the summary to something a bit better written. WARNING; Slight trigger risk throughout.
1. I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare

*Beep beep beep*

Eden awoke to the sound of her phones alarm beeping from under her pillow. She shuffled onto her side before sliding her hand under her pillow to turn the alarm off. She sat up and stared at her plain black clock. It was 10 past 7 in the morning. Eden stared at the clock for a few seconds. These seconds, which happened every morning, were the best seconds of her day. Eden forgot everything, her mind didn't function right, and she had no idea who she was or where she was. Weirdly, Eden preferred it that way.

After those seconds had passed she would snap back into reality. She would remember the events of the previous night. She would remember the shy, innocent tears that had fallen down her pale face like droplets of water running down the shower door. She would look on the floor to see the pillows and blankets she had angrily thrown around her room. And then she would remember the scars which would stay forever. Always those two words sprung to mind. 'Why me?'

'Are you coming Eden?' A voice shouted from the bottom of the stairs.

It was Eden's older sister Sam. Sam and Eden's mum lived with them; however she was ill and unable to care for either of her daughters, leaving Sam to take control of the house. Eden had always had to put up with Sam's bossy and argumentative ways but on the other hand, Sam did have to tend to her mum, and she had a full time job as a doctor.

'Yeah, I'll be down in a minute,' Eden shouted back, whilst slowly pushing away the duvet and climbing out of her bed.

'D'ya want me to make you some breakfast or not?' Sam replied.

'Umm no I'll make some when I come down' she lied.

Eden didn't eat in a morning, but Sam didn't know that. But then again Sam didn't know much about Eden. Despite Sam being her main carer, she didn't tell Sam anything, she preferred to keep things to herself. Sam had enough to deal with without Eden loading all of her endless problems onto her.

As Eden walked into the kitchen, Sam was tending to their mum. Eden's mum had Parkinson's disease. Sam had always struggled to care for her but had always refused to let somebody else take over the role. Sam was quite insistent that she didn't need anyone else's help; she could manage on her own.

'Morning mum,' Eden said walking over to the table. Eden's mum smiled back at her daughter but didn't reply. It was little things like this which made Eden feel so low. To most people it wouldn't bother them, however to Eden is made her feel ignored, like nobody actually cared.

'Right, get something to eat and go get ready and I'll drop you off at school, be quick though I can't be late for work again,' bossed Sam.

'Okay,' acknowledged Eden as she waited for Sam to leave the room so she could pour some milk into the bottom of her bowl, so it looked like she'd eaten. Eden's mum just stared at her. Eden knew her mum would never say anything to Sam, so it didn't matter if she saw or not.


	2. I'm sorry I can't be perfect

_**Any mistakes or anything then do PM me, it wont annoy me, Thankss:)**_

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The car journeys to school were always boring. Sam would silently sit behind the wheel, concentrating on the road ahead whilst Eden would sit in the passenger seat, gazing into the world outside of her window. Eden hated school, like most 13 years olds do. She did have some 'friends', but she was always the one left out. She was always second best and she hated it.

The car came to a stop outside of the school gates.

'Cya then,' said Sam as Eden opened the car door and climbed out, dragging her heavy school bag after her.

'Bye,' replied Eden slamming the car door shut.

'Well that's defiantly shut,' muttered Sam as she started the engine and drove off to work.

Walking into school Eden searched around for someone she could walk to her form with. In one corner, stood all the 'populars', and in the opposite direction stood another big group of girls who seemed to think they were 'it'. Eden had never approved of either of these groups of girls but on the other hand none of them really seemed to approve of her. To fit in with those types of girls you either had to be perfectly beautiful, or willing to shag any boy you saw. Eden knew she wasn't pretty at all, and she could never even get close to a boy, she knew she'd just get hurt.

'Alfie?' called the teacher as she took the morning register.

'Here'

'Kira?'

'Here'

'Eden?'

There was a silent pause in the classroom.

'Eden?' called the teacher slightly louder this time.

The teacher gazed around and saw Eden sat at the back of the class room staring out of the window. She walked over to her desk and knocked on it loudly, causing Eden to jump, sending the rest of the class into heaps of laughter. Slowly Eden turned her tear filled eyes into the attention of the teachers.

'Are you on some other planet this morning or something? Pay attention!' said the teacher harshly.

'Sorry miss,' whispered Eden.

Once again Eden had been in a world of her own, this world which nobody knew about. A world where everyone was happy and there were no bad people. It was full of magical men, woman and children who always wore big smiles as if they were all Cheshire cats. Eden had real friends there, everyone knew her name, and she had a proper family, a mum, dad, and a wonderful older sister who she could tell anything to. There were endless rows of shops and houses which all looked exactly the same as if one building had been cloned over 1000 times. Big blossomed trees would fill up the bare streets alongside patches of bright green grass. It would never rain in Eden's world; the sun would always be shining. The beach would always look extremely pretty as the sun reflected of the dark blue sea creating a silver glimmer across the ocean...

Eden hated anyone who destroyed these thoughts, like her teacher had just done. As the teacher continued on with the register, Eden found herself back in her fantasy land. Everyone smiling, everyone liked her, everyone laughing and getting along...

'EDEN! How many times do I have to shout at you until you will start paying attention? It's every single morning and I'm starting to get fed up of it now. I hope you don't behave like this in all your other lessons. Stay behind at the end and I'll deal with you properly then.' Shouted the teacher across the classroom.


	3. I can't let go, broken yet holding on

_**Sorry I haven't updated in like two weeks, I keep meaning to but I'm so lazy and can never be bothered;) Thanks to everyone who messaged me about this&the people who reviewed.**_

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'Had a call from your teacher earlier,' said Sam as she walked into Eden's bedroom to put away some clothes into her wardrobe. Eden glared at Sam before looking back down at her laptop.

'She seems to think that your _attitude _has changed recently, she says you don't pay attention to anything anymore,' continued Sam.

'Great,' replied Eden sarcastically as she watched Sam dump the clothes into her wardrobe.

'Well then, talk to me,' said Sam sitting on the end of Eden's bed.

'About what..?' muttered Eden.

'Well firstly, why do you keep getting told off at school?' asked Sam.

'Dunno' replied Eden avoiding any eye contact with Sam.

'For god sake Eden, do you know how stressful my life is, running around after Mum all the time and then I'm up at 3 in the morning so I can earn money to keep us together?! I have enough problems without you playing up at school, whatever your problem is sort it out!' said Sam, her voice sounded slightly more firm than before.

'My problem? Sam you're the one with the problem, you're so stuck up and I hate you so much, you're so selfish, you don't care about anybody else at all, you're a little two faced bitch!' shouted Eden.

'Eden, don't speak to me like that!' shouted Sam, shocked by what Eden had just said to her.

'YOU'RE NOT MY MUM, YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!' she screamed.

Where had it come from? Eden was so surprised at what she had just said. It was like someone else had taken over her ability to speak.

Sam seemed hurt by what had just been said and Eden could tell she was trying to fight back the tears. Eden hated seeing her sister upset, in fact she hated seeing anyone upset especially when she knew it was her fault. Sam slowly walked out of Eden's small room.

Eden had to say something, she was truly sorry for what she had just said but she knew with people like Sam it was impossible to show how sorry she really was. However, it was worth a try.

'Look Sam, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it,' said Eden.

Sam just ignored her and left Eden's room, gently shutting the door behind her.

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_**Ok, so I know this is shorter than the others, but I'm on with chapter 4 now. There will be some bigger drama later on but I don't really know how to include some big things this early on, any ideas then you can message me. **_


	4. Cause you had a bad day

_**This chapter is more about Sam than Eden, if you don't watch casualty then you might not understand this one, but I tried to make it so you might get it. Anyway thankyou for the reviews Follow me on twitter chelseaaxoxx Will follow back:D x**_

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'What's up with you today?' asked Tom, a colleague of Sam's who was a tall man with short curls in his hair as well as a cheeky little smile and beautiful rounded eyes.

'Nothing, stop pestering me for god sake,' replied Sam as she stormed into the staff room.

Some people had said it was best to follow a women when she walked away from you, others said you should just leave them to calm down. Tom didn't know whether to leave her or run after her, but in a split second decision he decided to follow Sam into the staffroom.

'So, fancy a drink after your shift finishes?' asked Tom awkwardly.

Sam looked up at Tom and pulled a face. 'What so you can get me drunk and make me open up about all my problemsto you?' replied Sam with an unimpressed expression on her face.

'No, course not, everyone always goes for a drink after their shift, but you never seem to join us, so I just thought it would be nice if you came, it would save me from having to listen to Noel and Big macs awful jokes,' replied Tom trying to add some humour into the conversation, however it didn't seem to be working.

'I can't, gotta get home,'

'Why? You haven't got a man have you?' joked Tom, but once again, Sam didn't get the joke.

'Oh for god sakes Tom, stay out of my personal life,' moaned Sam as she ran out of the staff room, clearly annoyed with Tom.

Tom sighed as he went over to his locker to change out of his scrubs.

'You really are awful with women Tom,' joked Zoe as she stood alongside Tom, opening her locker as well.

'I don't even know what I did wrong though,' said Tom laughing a little at Zoe.

'Ahh, you have a lot to learn about women Tom, coming to the pub?' asked Zoe.

'Yeah maybe in a bit, I think I should go round to Sam's, apologize maybe,' replied Tom, taking of his scrubs and shoving on a thin, grey jumper.

'Seriously Tom? Just leave her, you go round there she's only gonna think you're spying on her, come on, let me get changed and I'll meet you at reception, then we'll go for a drink, and I can give you some more of my amazing tips on women,' said Zoe as she gave a cheeky grin to Tom.

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_**Please review/message or favourite/follow, hope your enjoying this so farrr. xx**_


	5. I'll never be good enough

_**Thanks for reviewing, I was like really angry and upset when I wrote this chapter, so if it doesn't make sense then I apologize in advance, also I don't know whether it will be or not, but might be triggering to some people, depends how sensitive you are.**_

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You can't do anything right? Everything is always so messed up for you. You push everyone away because you don't want to hurt them but then when you do let someone in, you always ruin it. You're a failure. What is even wrong with you? That's one of those questions that nobody can answer. Actually, nothing is wrong with you really. You just cry a lot. That's all. Crying is ok, it's ok to cry. Not tonight Eden. Come on Eden you're better than this. What would happen if Sam found out? There's other ways to deal with this; other ways to feel better. Why don't you just try smiling for once? Smiling will make you feel better. Why aren't you smiling? Eden just smile. You see, there you go again, you can't even smile. You're not even making an effort to be happy. You obviously enjoy feeling like this? You do know that millions of teenagers have it so much worse than you? Some don't even have any siblings or parents. Some don't even have a roof over their head. Stop being so ungrateful and snap out of this. Get over it. You're not 'depressed', you're just attention seeking. You don't have a right to be so sad when so many people have it much worse. Eden, just ignore it. Nobody understands you at all; nobody knows what it's like for you. Nobody can see how much pain you're really in because you're too afraid to tell them. You're afraid of being judged. Well obviously people are going to judge you when they find out who you really are. They've probably never met someone like you before. Oh, so that's why you don't have any real friends, because you don't fit in with anybody? Eden you do have friends, and they do care about you. No, Eden nobody cares about you, not even your own sisters cares about you anymore. Eden Sam does care about you, you know how stressed she is, you should just talk to her. Talk to her, and you could tell her about what an attention seeking and ungrateful little freak you are. Don't listen to it Eden, Sam is going to understand if you talk to her, she's a doctor, she will understand. No she won't? Nobody will ever understand you. Yes they will, no they won't, yes they will, no they won't, yes they will...

'JUST LEAVE ME ALONE' screamed Eden, as her eyes started filling up with tears.

Eden screamed into her pillow a few more times before picking it up and shoving it down onto her bedroom floor. Angrily she pulled on her hair whilst burying her face into her knees. More and more thoughts spun round Eden's head like a tornado. She could tell it was just going to be 'one of those nights'.

Sam slept downstairs on the sofa so she couldn't ever hear Eden's cries. Sometimes Eden would imagine what it would be like for Sam to come into her room and see her crying. She would imagine Sam running towards her and giving her a big hug; a big hug that would last for at least a minute, with neither of them letting go. Then Sam would push Eden's hair behind her ears before wiping away the tears on her face. And then Sam would whisper softly into Eden's ears the words she'd always wanted to hear, 'It's going to be okay'. After that Sam would give Eden another hug and tell her that she loved her very much and she was sorry that she wasn't always there for her.

But after all that dreaming, Eden would soon realise that this would never happen. Because she knew that nobody would ever care about her. She wasn't smart enough, she wasn't pretty enough, she wasn't skinny enough, in fact, Eden just wasn't good enough.

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_**Please continue to review or message, follow, favourite etc etc etc etc (: As I said at the beginning sorry if this made no sense at all.**_


	6. Everybody lies lies lies

**_Sorreh. Haven't updated in agess (3 weeks). When I upload I usually leave it a week before writing, but then I had a week of assessments at school, French, English, Music, Drama, Geography etc and I just couldn't be bothered ;) And now it's the Easter holidays, and I've just basically argued with people and fallen out with people ;(. But writing makes me feel better whether I'm good at it or not, I enjoy it. Like some people use singing, drawing, playing guitar etc as a way to make them better, I write. ANYWAY, hope you enjoy this chapterrr._**

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'I've managed to get the afternoon of on your birthday, I'm working at 8 instead, so we could do something if you want?' asked Sam giving an awkward half smile.

Eden looked at Sam. 'I thought you were still mad at me from the other day'

'I'm not exactly one to keep grudges over people,' said Sam. 'Anyway I kinda asked for it didn't I? I shouldn't of pestered you, sorry,'

'No I was horrible, it wasn't your fault at all, I'm the one who should be sorry' replied Eden.

'Let's leave it now ok? So your birthday, we could go swimming then shoppi..'

'Not swimming,' interrupted Eden sternly.

'Why not? You used to love swimming, we haven't been since..'

'Since Dad left, yeah I know, which is why we're not going again, too many memories,' said Eden.

Eden was quite proud of herself, how she'd made that excuse up on the spot. If she hadn't she would have been trying to think of a good enough reason not to go swimming that Sam would believe, and Sam was a hard person to convince.

'Fine, no swimming, we'll go shopping and then get some food, you can bring your friends with you yeah?' asked Sam.

Friends? What friends. Oh you mean those ones that always cut me off in the conversation, those ones that always make me walk behind them when the path isn't big enough? The ones that go out shopping together and I'm never invited. The friends that leave me behind when I ask them to wait? The friends that whisper to each other right in front of my face? Those friends?

'Um I'd prefer it to just be me and you, but yeah shopping sounds great,' replied Eden giving a smile.

Maybe this birthday would actually be a good day, just her and Sam, getting along like proper sisters are supposed to.

Or maybe not...

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_**Hope you like:)**_

_**I know this is short but I have written the next chapter but I'm trying to decide if something should go before it or not.**_

_**By the way this story has had like no big drama so far, and I know it may seem like it's not going anywhere, but I am building up to something big, so if you can't be bothered with all the small chapters then wait till I've added like 3 more chapters, then read it all in one go, but thanks for the reviews (I don't even know if anyone did review but I can't be bothered to check, I'm lazy). Please review/message/follow/favourite etc etc etc.**_


	7. So fast so far, you were gone to soon

_**I found this so cringey to write/read (I find everything really cringey) so I haven't read it loads so sorreh for the mistakes. It might not seem like it follows on but it does. Enjoy.**_

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'Right she's in cardiac arrest, start chest compressions,' ordered one of the doctors. Eden and Sam stood frozen and silent at the edge of the room, as if they were statues in a museum. As the doctors and nurses continued to do everything they could for Eden and Sam's mum, Sam could tell it was too late.

'You can just stop now, nothings gonna bring her back,' said Sam quietly.

'Sam! You can't just give up on her, she's our Mum,' screamed Eden.

'Oh Eden shut up, she's gone... she's dead,' replied Sam as she stormed out of the room.

'Are we all agreed?' asked one of the doctors. Everyone gave a small nod and the machines were turned off.

'I'm sorry Eden,' said one of the nurses who was slowly approaching Eden.

'She can't die?' cried Eden.

'I'm so sorry, she was just too ill, you do understand don't you?' said the nurse comfortingly.

Eden nodded uncertainly before slowly leaving the room, as more tears rolled down her red face. The nurse followed her out of the room as she tried to make things better for Eden. But nothing could ever be better now. Nothing was right anymore. The one reason Eden had held onto her life for this long was her mum, and now she was gone, what else left was there left? That's just it, there was nothing left, and everything had gone. Everything was broken, and nothing could make it right again.

'I'm sorry your birthday got ruined,' muttered Sam as she stared out of the window looking at the distant grey, muggy clouds.

'It's not exactly your fault is it,' replied Eden sitting at the kitchen table staring at different lines on the palm of her hand. Some were rounded, other straight. Some joined onto other lines whilst some cut straight across them. Some of the lines were bolder than others, but they all had one thing in common, they all had a beginning and they all had an end. Eden decided the lines on her hand were examples of people's lives from the people who were close to her, the short ones for short lives, and the long ones for longer lives. The bolder the line, the better your life had been. Eden knew that when she gave up, a line would appear on Sam's had, a thin short line that was hardly noticeable, to represent a short and worthless life.

'I'm going to work, there's some pasta in the cupboard, it just needs putting in the microwave for 15 minutes, if you need me call me,' said Sam, picking up her bag from the table.

'Oh, right then,' mumbled Eden who was now staring at the wooden clock on the wall.

The door was slammed and there Eden was, home alone for the first time in years. Usually Eden's mum was in the house when Sam went to work but not anymore. Not now she'd gone...

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_**Next chapter is more thoughts/feelings etc for those who like thattt. I don't know if this chapter's any longer or not but they seem really long when I write them but when I post it on here I realise how short it actually is ;) Review/Message/Follow pleaseeeeeeee**_


	8. I just wanna feel alive

_**Depressing chapter, don't read if you're in that mood. Maybe a slight trigger warning, not sure really.**_

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'Some people enter this world strong enough to fight it; whilst others are just not strong enough to stay here, despite trying their hardest to stay strong, life is just too powerful for some people,'

Dear Diary,

You know that feeling when you feel sick, but you're not actually sick? You're just sad, upset, lonely and hurt? Yeah, that's me now. All I ever wanted was for things to get better, things to be normal again, now I'm not so sure. I think I've reached that point where I don't want to get better any more I just don't care what happens.

I know I'm ugly. It doesn't matter when people say I'm pretty, they're probably just saying it because they feel sorry for me. I'd just prefer people to give their honest opinions of me. I know I can't do anything right, I always mess things up. I'm constantly making mistakes and I know that'll never change, I'll always be ruining the good things that happen in my life, not that there actually are any anymore.

The truth is, is that I hate life, it's a horrible thing to make someone live each day hating themselves. I know people hate me, nobody smiles at me, and I sometime wonder if people smiled at me would it make me happier. Maybe I'd at least feel a little bit loved.

And it makes me sad to think that I'm spending my nights breaking down, crying more tears than you could ever imagine whilst Sam is downstairs thinking I'm asleep. I don't think she could ever imagine how broken her own sister is.

Hugging makes everything better. Maybe if I'd told Sam how I felt before things got this bad, she would be there for me, she would actually care, she would be able to see when I was breaking, and she would be able to fix me just by giving me one big comforting hug.

It's my birthday today, my own mum died today, and I'm spending my night writing down how I feel in some book that will soon be thrown into the bottom of a box.

So this brings me to the conclusion that I should just leave, because I know that everyone's better off without me and I have no reason to stay anymore.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I just want to sleep, forever...

I'm sorry,

Love Eden x

Eden slowly shut her diary and placed into her draw. She climbed off her bed and walked into the bathroom.

As she walked over to the mirror and stared into it, she noticed a human was staring back at her, copying her every move. As tears rolled down Eden's face, tears rolled down the humans face. It was as if this person in the mirror was Eden. But Eden couldn't recognise her. She couldn't recognise herself, she couldn't understand who she was anymore, and she wasn't anything anymore. She just wasn't anybody.

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_**Hmm I don't like this chapter really but oh well, especially the last paragraph, you might just want to ignore it if you don't understand it :/ xx**_

_**Thank you for reviewing I do reply to some of you if I'm bored...**_

_**Hopefully I will be able to write the next chapter a little better. Anyway enjoy and review/message etc please.**_


	9. And I breathe, I breathe, no more

_**WARNING – If you're feeling depressed or in that 'mood' then don't read this chapter please, it's only gonna make you worse, trust me.**_  
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Eden quickly found a piece of paper and despite her shaking hands she managed to scribble down just two words - 'I'm sorry'. After placing the note onto her bed she ran downstairs whilst endless amounts of tears were still falling down her face. The one cupboard in the kitchen Eden had never been in before was about to be opened. The cupboard of her mums pills. She was dead now, she didn't need them anymore. Eden searched around for a full box of pills. Sam always had them arranged in an order which Eden had just messed up. She didn't care about what she was doing. She was just so determined to do something right for once.  
She was determined to die.

Sleeping was the only time Eden ever felt truly happy, so sleeping forever was the only thing left to do now. She'd tried everything to get better but nobody could ever understand her. Not councillors, teachers, friends or Sam. There was no point trying anymore. There was no point trying to be happy, trying to get on with life, trying to be like normal teenagers.  
Eden was just done trying, done living, done breathing.

Eden picked out a full white, round tub from the back of the cupboard which hadn't been opened yet. She didn't care what the pills were, as long as they would kill her. Eden sprinted back up the stairs and into the bathroom, with the pills gripped firmly in her hands. She stared into the mirror looking at her straight brown hair as it sat neatly on her shoulders, and then she looked deeply at her face. It was hard to see properly with the tears on her face but she could just about make out the light brown glimmer from her eyes. She took a step away from the mirror and whispered the words 'I'm done'.

Without anymore thinking she tore open the bottle and poured the pills onto her hand. She then quickly emptied the pills from her hand into her mouth. The pills were gone. There was no going back now.

Eden was now drifting in and out of consciousness on the bathroom floor. She found herself fighting for as many breaths as she could. As much as she just wanted to stop breathing all together she couldn't. Her body was forcing her to breathe. But Eden knew that soon her body would give up the fighting, her body would give up on her, just like the rest of the world already had.

..

'Sam there's a patient in cubicle 10 that needs checking please?' ordered Zoe.

'Yeah one sec I'll sort it in a minute,' replied Sam pulling a face.

Sam hadn't told anyone about what had happened to her mum today. No-one knew about Sam's personal life, and that was how she planned on keeping it. Whenever anyone asked she was always quick to change the subject. Acting like everything was fine when it wasn't was what Sam did best. The last thing she needed was everyone snooping around her private business.

'Sam? Patient, cubicle 10,' repeated Zoe.

'Yeah sorry.'

Sam wandered over to the cubicle, shutting the curtain behind her however she could still here the faint whispers coming from Zoe and Tom outside of the cubicle.

'You talk to her you're close with her aren't you?' whispered Zoe.

'What am I supposed to say to her, you're a women Zoe, she's more likely to talk to you,' replied Tom quietly.

'I don't think Sam does the 'talking' really,' muttered Zoe. 'Just ask her if she's ok?'

Sam pulled back the curtain and stormed passed Zoe and Tom.

'You know Tom some lessons in quiet talking might come in useful if you wanna gossip about me when I'm only a few meters away from you,' said Sam sarcastically as she headed for the staff room. 'Oh, and for your information, I'm fine,' she added.

Tom followed Sam into the staffroom. Sam opened her locker to get changed out of her scrubs.

'Sam it wasn't like that, we're just worried about you,' said Tom concernedly.

'Worried? Worried haha, nah you're not worried, you're just being nosey,' joked Sam.

'Sam why don't you just talk to me, I want to help you,' replied Tom.

'Help me with what?' asked Sam.

'Whatever's bothering you,' Tom replied.

'Nothings bothering me now can you please let me go home now,' said Sam.

Tom realised he was stood in the doorway making it impossible for Sam to pass him.

'No, I'm not gonna move until you tell me what's wrong,' said Tom with a sarcastic grin on his face.

'Tom, just move out of my way for god sake, I'm not in the mood for your childish games,' replied Sam sternly.

Before Tom could say anything else Sam had barged straight past him.

'Sam I'm only tryna help you,' shouted Tom.

'Well guess what? I don't need your help,' replied Sam turning slightly to give Tom some eye contact before walking out of the ED.

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**_You can probably guess where the next chapters going, but yanno.._**

**_By the way if anyone is in Eden's situation or feeling depressed,suicidal,S-H etc etc, I'm always here to talk, twitter, facebook, bbm, Imessage, texting, just message me. I might not be good at advice but I will try my best and I know it's good to just let it all out sometimes.. x_**


	10. Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

_**Once again, quite a big trigger warning, please don't read if you're feeling depressed, I don't want to be the reason you do something silly... xo**_

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'You wanna come to Leeds at the weekend, we could all going shopping,'

'Yeah yeah sure, just gotta ask Sam but it should be cool,' replied Eden.

'It'll be amazing if Jess and Hope come too, all 4 of us,'

'Yeah, we'll take loadsa photos then spam instagram with them haha,' joked Eden.

'Aw I'm so glad we're friends, you're like the nicest person ever,'

'Ew Amber why are you so cheesy all the time, but that's well cute,'

'Haha aw,' replied Amber as her and Eden walked down the school corridor, arms linked together.

Amber and Eden were the best of friends, they were inseparable.

Eden drifted back into consciousness. She had been dreaming, dreaming of all those things that she never had in her life. In this case it had been a true friendship. Fake friends were all Eden had ever known, people who acted like your friend but deep down they hated you. Eden knew anything she ever told any of her 'friends' would be spread around the school in an instance. Trusting anyone was a battle for Eden, which is why she'd never told anyone about her home life. It was like Eden was 3 different people. The person her school saw, the person Sam saw, and the person no-one ever saw.

Eden was unconscious again, every time she came back into the real world, she prayed the next time her eyes closed would be the final time, and she would just fall asleep forever, fall into a feeling of nothing, no pain or happiness, no feeling, everything would just be gone.

..

Sam slammed her car door behind her, still in a mood from the previous conversation with Tom, and walked up to her front door unlocking it with her rusty old keys. After opening the door she slammed it shut behind her as she walked into the kitchen, shoving her bag and keys on the black, marble counter. Sam turned on the lights and shut the blinds to block out the black, dead darkness from outside.

Sam remembered about Eden, and then the racket that she had made when coming into the house, but it was still silent upstairs so as far as Sam was concerned, Eden was still sleeping. Sam picked up her phone to check the time, 5:17am. She was due back at work at 3. Sam had always found it hard to work long, exhausting shifts as well as caring for her mum and Eden. 'But now Mum has gone, it will surely be easier' thought Sam, rolling her eyes and yawning.

After standing in the kitchen staring at the clock for around 15 minutes having a deep thinking session with herself, Sam decided it was time to get ready for bed. She did her usual checks; oven off and door locked, before turning off the lights and heading upstairs.

..

Scarlet blood would roll down my thighs. I guess you could say the blood might have been participating in some kind of race with the other trails of solid, dark redness on my leg. However I doubt it would have been a fair race, some trails were thicker than others, that wouldn't have made it fair would it? But then I guess that's like saying overweight people can't run the same race as underweight people, but they still do.

I never used to use a proper blade, like one from a razor or sharpener. I'd just learnt to manage with anything that had a sharp, rigged and pointed edge on it. It still did the trick. It still made me feel better, feel happy, feel in control of my feelings and most importantly it actually gave me feeling, feeling pain was 10 times better than feeling nothing. But then I remember the day I wanted a proper blade, I wanted something which would make neat, even cuts on my skin so I would be able to give each of my scars a story. I remember stealing a sharpener from school, coming home and loosening the tiny silver screw with a hair grip. I remember struggling to loosen it as it was only supposed to be removed with a screw driver. But eventually it loosened, the screw fell off, and it came out, the silver, sharp, cold, shiny blade.

..

Sam pushed open the bathroom door. She froze. Sam had never ever imagined this, her own sister lying unconscious on the floor. What had happened? Had she fallen, tripped? But then Sam saw it, the empty white, round tub lying on the floor.

'No...' whispered Sam.

Sam didn't move, she should have been down there, checking her breathing, doing what she would have been doing if it had been anyone else. But Sam couldn't help her, she wouldn't help her. Her mind had been taken over and bombarded with haunted memories of her past. She couldn't re-live this again.

'Ambulance please...' whispered Sam into the phone as if the phone was someone else's ear and she was playing a game of Chinese whispers.

'Yeh, my sisters taken an overdose...'

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_**BOOOOM! Haha, just trying to lighten up the mood after this depressing chapter.**_  
_**Please review/follow if you like, and once again, if you ever need to talk I'm always here:] x**_


	11. On the edge and I'm screaming my name

**_Cringey chapter I am awful with these chapters idek why :L Also I kinda avoided the bits where you'd have technical medical words, I'm 13, not a professional doctor._**

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'Sam?'

Great. It was Jeff and Dixie. Sam's whole home life would soon be revealed to everyone, she would no longer be able to keep her secret.

Sam sighed. 'Yeh..'

'What's happened princess? Are you ok?' asked Jeff concernedly.

Jeff had always seemed very protective over Sam ever since they had been in an Ambulance crash a year or so ago. Sam had always seen him as the father she'd never had.

'I don't even know, just found her, she's taken these,' muttered Sam handing Jeff the empty tub of pills.

'What's her name?' asked Jeff.

'Eden, she's my sister,' replied Sam. She would of preferred to of been anywhere else but there. Why did Eden have to do this?

'Okay, whose pills are they?' asked Dixie staring at the empty bottle in Jeff's hand.

Jeff and Dixie both knelt down beside Eden as Sam stood up and moved away from her sister who was still lying unconscious on the bathroom floor.

They're my mums... well, they were,' replied Sam.

'What do you mean by that?' asked Jeff looking up at Sam with a puzzled expression on his face.

'She died,' muttered Sam. 'Yesterday.'

Before Jeff had a chance to reply Sam walked out of the bathroom and ran downstairs and out of the door. She just needed to breathe some fresh air. It was dark outside, but Sam didn't care. Maybe the blackness would destroy all of the memories which were filling up her head at the speed of light. Maybe the blackness would make Sam disappear from the world. Maybe the blackness would remove all the pain from her current situation, just for a while.

..

Sam sat on a small wooden bench in the peace garden outside of the hospital, in silence, gazing into the early morning sky.

'Sam..?'

Jeff walked over and sat down next to Sam, handing her a warm cup of tea.

'Thanks..' said Sam, giving half a fake smile. 'Do they know, did you tell them she's my sister?'

'I had to, they asked about next of kin, sorry princess,' replied Jeff looking at her sympathetically.

'Its fine, they would have found out anyway,' said Sam sighing.

A short silence took its place in the conversation. All of the thoughts Sam hoped had gone suddenly came back after years of everything being fine.

What actually is the point of life? You live, and then you die. If you don't enjoy life what's the actually point of being alive? Why should you be made to stay in this sphere in space they call earth when you're hating every second of it? What's the point in being here if you're constantly tired, constantly upset, constantly angry, just all around sad.  
To live does not mean you're alive.

'Come here,' said Jeff placing his arms around Sam, hugging her tightly.

Sam couldn't control it. Tear after tear rolled down her cheeks. This was the first time Sam had ever cried in front of someone she knew, someone she worked with. She'd always put on such a tough, brave face in front of people. But Sam did have a vulnerable side, just like everyone does. No matter how happy or tough you act, everyone has to cry sometimes.

'What if she dies? I can't lose Eden as well as Mum,' cried Sam.

'Eden's not gonna die Sam,' replied Jeff trying to comfort her as best he could however he wasn't used to seeing Sam like this.

'How do you know? She could of been there for ages, I left her on her own for at least 8 hours,' cried Sam, pulling away from the comfort of Jeff's arms.

'Sam! You weren't to know so stop blaming yourself,' said Jeff doing his best to comfort Sam.

Sam quickly stood up leaving Jeff sat on the bench on his own. She ran her fingers through her long straight hair as a few more lonely tears fell from her eyes.

'I should of seen how sad she was but I was too busy at work or with mum to even notice her, and now mums dead what type of a fricking person does that make me!? I can't do anything right,' shouted Sam.

Jeff wanted to ask about Sam's mum, but came to the conclusion now probably wasn't the best time. Instead he just carried on trying his best to keep Sam calm and stop her crying.

'Sam this wasn't your fault, you know how well people are at hiding things like this, they don't want anyone to find out so they put on a happy face in front of the people they love because they don't want to hurt them, just like you do every day when you're at work, you might think no-one can see past your strong attitude but we can Sam, not just me a lot of people can,' said Jeff.

He hadn't meant to give her such a long lecture but it all just seemed to fit in with the current subject.

'Well if you could all see past me, then why couldn't I see past Eden...' replied Sam before turning away and running into the ED.

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_**I have had most of this written for ages but even though I'm not doing my exams like most of you, school is stressing me out so much so I haven't had chance to update it.**_

_**Half term soon so it will probably be then for next update. Enjoy :]**_


	12. Chapter 12

**_I'm really hyper Maarty from BGT just followed me asdfghjkl. I know you're all jealous of me n stuff but that's the only 'famous' person that follows me so I deserve it. Anyway ok back to the writing.._**

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Violently pushing open the ED doors, Sam didn't know what she was doing. She could see Noel and Louise staring at her. She could see the many nurses whose eyes just seemed to be glued in a position of watching her every move. But Sam didn't care. Her secret was out now, and there was nothing she could do about it.

It was obvious Sam had been crying. After her conversation with Jeff outside, it had all got too much so she'd ran inside. She was glad Jeff was trying to help her, but it wasn't working. Sam just needed some alone time now, some time to think everything over.

Sam ran past all of the staff and into the staff room. She was so glad it was empty. Sam passed out on the rather uncomfortable sofa, but she was too tired to care.

..

Tom quietly closed the door behind him as he entered the staffroom to see Sam sleeping on the sofa. He walked over to her not wanting to wake her purposely, however he hoped she'd wake up on her own.

Sam had been asleep for around 20 minutes before she awoke to see Tom sat on the floor, lent against the sofa gazing around the room.

"How long have you been there?" asked Sam quietly as she sat up.

"Not long," replied Tom giving a faint smile as he looked around at Sam.

Sam sighed as she brought her knees up to her chest and scrunched up into the corner of the sofa.

"She's gonna be ok, Eden, she's through the worst."

Sam nodded and gave half a smile.

"Jeff mentioned about your mum..."

Sam stood up and walked over to the kettle, pouring the left over water into a clean, cream mug beside the sink.

"If you need to talk... or anything, I'm always here Sam," said Tom awkwardly as he wasn't used to talking to her like this.

"Thanks, but I don't need your sympathy, we see people die every day, big deal," replied Sam as she drank the lukewarm water from the mug.

Tom sighed.

"But, it's not the same is it, those people who die, we don't know them, they don't mean anything to us, they're just people we've never seen before, this is your mum Sam, its different and you know that."

Sam laughed under her breath as she placed the now empty mug back onto the counter.

"Yeah, and I'm over it, there's no point bringing up what's already happened, I can't change what happened, and neither can you, so stop trying to help me, and just let me forget about it ok?"

"Sam stop, just stop and listen to me ok, stop trying to make this go away, acting like it never happened, because it did happen, and you're right, you can't change what happened, you can't go back and make things happen differently, but listen to me when I tell you that this will not just go away, and this will not just be forgotten. You lost your mum, you and Eden, and you've both taken it different ways, clearly, you've carried on as if nothing's happened whereas it's left Eden feeling as if she has nothing, but listen to me when I say, Eden needs your support here, you can't just expect a 14 year old girl to lose her mum and carry on as if nothing happened, maybe you can do that but she clearly can't. Eden needs you Sam. And you need her."

He hadn't meant for such a long speech to come out however it seemed as if Sam was listening to him now due to the little clear sparkles of water emerging in the bottom of her eyes.

"I'm sorry," whispered Sam as a few trails of water ran down her cheeks.

"You don't need to apologize Sam, this is not your fault," replied Tom as he walked over to Sam letting her rest her face on his shoulder and her arms around his back.

Tom placed his arms around Sam as he looked up at the ceiling, trying to hide his tear filled eyes in case he upset Sam even more.

The staffroom door opened and Zoe stood in the doorway.

'_Is she alright?' _she mouthed to Tom whose attention was now on Zoe.

Tom smiled and nodded slightly.

Zoe ventured a few steps more into the staffroom before breaking the silence that lay over the room.

"Sam, we're taking Eden upstairs in about 10 minutes," said Zoe softly.

"Yeah I'll come in a second," replied Sam pulling away from Tom and wiping her eyes on the sleeve of her thin grey hoodie.

Zoe smiled before leaving the room.

"Come with me, to see her?" asked Sam hopefully.

"Course," replied Tom as he and Sam walked out of the staffroom and headed towards resus.

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_**Sorreh I haven't updated in over 2 months idk why but it's been ages hence the sentence at the beginning of this was when the Britain's Got Talent auditions were on...**_  
_**and also I don't wanna turn this into a sam&tom fic because that wasn't my aim when writing this but I do like the fact Tom is supporting her because it's cute lolol. Yeah k its half 12 in the morning im going to bed now I only wrote this because 'WaterlooRoadSianandMadi' said it was their favourite story so i was like oh ok. **_


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